While I’ve always believed in telling the truth, I haven’t thought about what it really means in concrete terms. And, while we’re taught to ‘tell the truth’ from childhood onwards, we also learn that sometimes the truth can be painful, that sometimes it’s better to hide or avoid it, in order to save someone’s feelings from getting hurt.
Since the moment I found out my mum died, I stopped thinking about the truth in that way. The raw pain I was experiencing drowned out everything else, I didn’t have a choice but to share my truth, the truth of my mum and how she died, the truth of my pain.
Now, each person will have his or her own unique way of grieving the death of a loved one, that is for sure. For me, the way I coped was to speak the truth, to share my feelings, to process them and let them out into the open.
While I inherently knew that some would feel uncomfortable (who likes talking about death anyway ?), I would always preface my ‘outbursts’ with statements like, “you don’t have to feel bad”, “death is a normal part of life”. Death and dying is a common human experience after all that we will all experience, if we are lucky ! (meaning, if we outlive the ones we love).
So I spoke the truth, and sharing my pain is what has helped me survive.